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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.
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1.
there's nothing sexy 'bout a panic attack and i hate to ruin the mood but get your hand off of my back and i hate to ruin the mood i hate to vomit on you i hate to ruin your dreams that you could be a hero too i don't think this is gonna work out you say "shh" with your finger on my mouth there's nothing sexy 'bout a panic attack but i'm starting to get the feeling you're not sure about that and i need to take off my coat and i need to take off my shoes and you're unbuttoning my pants said i should take 'em off too there's nothing sexy 'bout a panic attack and you tell me to close my eyes and just lay down on my back and i think i'm having a stroke and i think you're having a stroke my heart is gonna explode my heart is gonna explode
2.
don't answer that i already know i just wanted to hear it out of your mouth though i feel like it would be embarrassing to ask i get anxiety about being direct you answer back i think you know you don't seem mad so we should let it go but from the way that you replied i kinda get the feeling you've got a plan of your own in mind i manipulate you manipulating me it's the same thing it's hard to break habits overnight ultimata might be effective short term but don't gaslight me you do the same shit like every day we are both to blame we aren't gonna change i manipulate you manipulate baby you're all mine and so is your brain i'm gonna make you make me make you love me i'm gonna make you make me make you love me, baby i'm so fucking manipulative i can't help it i'm afraid of waking up from this 'cos this is perfect and i swear that every time we kiss i would murder just to keep you up against my lips for all eternity i'm gonna make you make me make you love me baby i'm gonna be the only one that you see you'll see you're gonna make me make you make me love you it's true i'm gonna watch it happen i'm gonna let you please do i'll manipulate you manipulate me and we both see and maybe we'll fight and apologize just to keep your eyes off of other guys and on me tonight you manipulate me and i admit it doesn't feel great but i can deal with it you feel guilty i say no don't worry no really don't worry cross the line it's blurry, anyway baby it's so hard for me to let you have even a peek at the darkness that i am convinced is lurking deep in me i just wanna be the one who's in control of everything my brain is always telling me to lie about the smallest things i just wanna have all of the answers and i want them to be perfect that way i can feel a little bit less far from perfect and the reason that i feel so comfortable explaining this is 'cos i have a feeling that you've already been thinking it
3.
i've been informed that there's a pattern in my life that there's a reason why i dropped out of school a million times an explanation for why i get anxiety thinking about long bus rides and why i can't seem to stop ghosting guys you think i've got issues with commitment i just know when it is and i know when it isn't and i'm sorry if i fucked you in a way that seemed like i loved you 'cos i didn't now you're saying goodbye and i'm saying good riddance you heard me, right? so get the fuck out of my life you go left and i'll go right to make sure we never collide to make sure i never stumble back inside to make sure i never accidentally spend another night just please stay out of my life you know it could have been nice everything would've been fine but then you had to go and make it fucking weird with your lightning fast replies making it difficult for me to come up with my perfect lies for why i can't hang out tonight you think i've got issues with commitment i just know when it is and i know when it isn't and i'm sorry if i fucked you in a way that even remotely indicated i enjoyed it i should have just masturbated you say i've got commitment issues i just sprint in the opposite direction when you say "i miss you" you say i've got commitment issues i just think it's easier if we both break out the tissues you say i've got commitment issues i just sprint in the opposite direction when you say "i miss you" and i never ever ever look back just appreciate what we had i'm deleting you off of snap to post stories without feeling bad you say i've got issues with commitment i just know when it is and i know when it isn't and i'm sorry if i fucked you in a way that seemed like i loved you cos i didn't now you're saying "i hope you fucking die" and that is such a fucking relief though i think i'm starting to see that you probably have a point i think i've got issues with commitment
4.
XIV 03:18
sex doesn't do it for me money doesn't do it for me love doesn't do it for me you know what does it for me? gettin fuckin high as can be playing games mindlessly where i'm my only actual enemy cos the real ones are NPCs all i wanna do is smoke weed and play final fantasy xiv isn't that fucking annoying i don't require you for anything i don't require you for anything all i wanna do is smoke weed and play final fantasy xiv everybody's draining my energy i just wanna be where i can have a full bar of HP and my own MP all i wanna do is smoke weed and play final fantasy xiv and not think about you or me and not think about anxiety and not think about real life, please as i was running through horizon on the back of my chocobo to report to minfilia at the waking sands the fifth time today my consciousness began to melt away and not a care remained under the guidance of the scions of the 7th dawn i had mercifully uncovered a switch flipped on in my brain, while excavating the sunken temple of qarn i turned off the pain with a dragonsong all i want to do is smoke all i want to do is be alone all i want to do is smoke all i want to do is all i wanna do is smoke weed and play final fantasy xiv baby you know that you're beautiful but you're no thancred or nero you're no urianger or alphinaud
5.
he said my skin was soft like a baby which he loved, naturally and he loved it, naturally he still loved it after i'd leave under his nails and all over his sheets it must have been hard forgetting me i sent him pictures sporadically because it's nice to feel sexy and it's nice to know someone somewhere is up late thinking about me is up late jacking off to me is up late demonizing me i just planted a little seed and now he's planting a little seed a little seed a little alchemy a cherry bleach on the rocks for me chemical burns on my tongue chemical burns on my lips chemical burns under my nose chemical burns on my finger tips chemical burns in my lungs chemicals burn when i sigh chemicals turn on my side chemical burns on my fucking eyes you won't fade away from me you'll always remain in me i'll refrain from making you take new roots i'll always wait for you chemical burns on my tongue chemical burns on my lips chemical burns under my nose chemical burns on my finger tips chemical burns in my lungs chemicals burn when i sigh chemicals turn on my side chemical burns on my fucking eyes now it's not quite as soft as it used to be shelf life is running out for me my half-life is shorter than you think but i feel you germinating inside me feast your eyes on the knowledge tree take a bite of the fruit you seek and you'll learn what it means to be obedient in the first degree chemical burns on my tongue chemical burns on my lips chemical burns under my nose chemical burns on my finger tips chemical burns in my lungs chemicals burn when i sigh chemicals turn on my side chemical burns on my fucking eyes
6.
don't you fuckin worry i'm gonna eat your trauma that'll make us more like god like in nier: automata i can bring the flora if you provide the fauna write down what you wanna say in basic hiragana but then again who needs all of this alphanumeric artifice i don't need ancient symbols i can say it all with a 90 minute kiss do you like the sound of this? do you like the way i hiss over the growl of the synth? spatial snapped when he manufactured it i like the shadows that you cast like a spell you're my little thaumaturge and i love the way you smell you say you love the way it felt when i was sucking on your neck baby i got something that'll make you break it like a pet creatures in the covers creatures up above us creatures all around when we make love creatures upon us creatures entering my cuts and crawling up my veins might as well stay in my heart 'cos they're already in my brain creatures darting from one glow in the dark bedroom ceiling star to another glow in the dark bedroom ceiling star my name is boxxy and i am the proxy the seven-stringed ambassador of superego hypoxia i have descended from the pits of heavensward the spirit inside the sword is beckoning you ever toward me so listen to it if you're really intuitive if you're really not ruined yet if you're really not stupid
7.
PLZ CHOKE ME 02:44
baby please choke me a little bit i dunno if i'm into it it'll be so intimate he says please just choke me a little bit it'll be so intimate and pretend that you're into it he's begging me to fucking asphyxiate him but i can hardly even bare the thought of participating and maybe this is part my fault for talking too big a game and i don't know what to dowhen you look at me anticipating my heart skips a beat when i hear you calling my name out your arms around me and just for once there aren't any games and i love the way you talk in bed so i can't be blamed for wanting to protect your throat from unnecessary strain i kinda get it 'cos i kinda want it too but the other way around it wasn't something i'd do i kinda get it but i wouldn't want to it's cute in a dream but that's a lot to do hurting you's the least sexy thing i can really think of if i try but i want you to be happy just don't get mad if i cry is it fucked up if i like it i couldn't like it if i tried i'm so ready for this to be over baby blink twice if you're good with this
8.
FUCK 2NITE 04:19
fuck tonight let's fuck tonight unzip and feed me kryptonite suicide is sexy but i've got something better in mind if this really is goodbye then let me have you one last time let me give you something amazing to remember me by you say that my heart's cyanide but when i put my dick inside you everything just seems so right the way you moan and close your eyes if we're meant to be apart let's be together just tonight one last time to celebrate the only thing that we got right so fuck tonight let's fuck tonight unzip and feed me kryptonite suicide is sexy but i've got something better in mind you kinda wanna hit me so just do it while you dick me down you can make me scream without even opening up your mouth i have pushed you to your limit so why don't you just take the wheel channel your aggression baby fuck me how you really feel fuck me like you know you're never gonna have good sex again fuck me like you know i'm lying when i say he's just a friend fuck me like you know i'm everything you ever wanted baby fuck me like you know you'll never really get away from me fuck tonight let's fuck tonight unzip and feed me kryptonite suicide is sexy but i've got something better in mind
9.
TRINITRON 03:19
nothing's wrong when nothing's on but my trinitron my trinitron i can't hear the screaming in the background all i hear is screeching sound effects i can't hear the screaming in the background i can't hear the screaming in my head playing outside is nice i guess counterpoint: sega genesis i think i'd rather sit in front of the television i am so special i require zero supervision my babysitter was on clearance at a circuit city and rpgs are basically the same as reading how can i do homework when i'm just about to beat it the world around me falls apart but i can't see it i'm only crying 'cos my party got defeated disengage and turn it on recalibrate get in the zone dissociate to white noise drone hyperventilate it's almost over disengage and turn it on recalibrate in marble zone dissociate curl in a ball hyperventilate and kill them all nothing's wrong when nothing's on but my trinitron my trinitron i can't handle things that aren't familiar take me somewhere i've already been it's okay if it's not crystal clear fuzzy 'cos it's going through rf if i lose a life i might just lose my fucking mind controller through the tv dig my nails into my thighs until i can't feel the blackout fucking rage, no i can't feel your hand between my legs nothing's wrong when nothing's on but my trinitron my trinitron
10.
baby this is great but just wait i think that we should take a i know that it's late but there's something that i gotta say i think that we should take a i just need some space a couple days i think that we should take a i need to remember how to crave and to behave we should take a tolerance let me put you down put you down like a broken pet put you right to sleep tuck you in put you back to bed this is what you wanted right baby this is what you said so don't be offended if i maybe leave your ass on read am i irritating you 'cos you're irritating me maybe we should take a if it's really fate then we'll feel the same let's take a tolerance if it's really love if i'm sent from above then your heart will not you can have your space 'cos i can't be replaced so maybe we should take a break identity regained energy replaced we should take a permanent break
11.
JUST FRIENDS 02:47
fucking someone you like is so confusing the better it gets, the closer i am to ruining how much am i allowed to say before it's pursuing how many times a week 'till we label what we're doing not that i'm trying to, i just wonder if you think about it i never used to but suddenly it's all consuming i promise i'm not falling in love, there's nothing blooming i know if i did that i would probably just doom it how do i be just friends with you how do i ask what this means to you 'cos you're my favorite fuck buddy but i can't stop thinking of you lately will you think i'm crazy if i wanna call you baby how do i be just friends with you 'cos the way that you make me feel is new i'm not used to fucking someone who isn't kinda disgusting i'm not used to putting trust in the same one that i put cum in fucking somebody nice is such a trip, man imagine ejaculating and not wanting to dip, damn we'll probably do it again, i guess because we can now kiss me and put your dick inside me like a good friend and now we're laying in bed and talking and it's not awkward we sleep together, we're spooning, hand down your boxers and when you kiss me goodbye, it makes my heart hurt all i'm saying is you'd make a perfect lover but i don't want you to think i'm a fucking stalker i don't ever wanna take more than i am offered the fact that you like me this much is such an honor damn, fuck it. do you wanna be my lover? 'cos i don't know how to be just friends with you i don't know how to ask what this means to you 'cos you're my favorite fuck buddy but i can't stop thinking of you lately will you think i'm crazy if i wanna call you baby i don't think i can be just friends with you 'cos the way you make me feel is new how do i be just friends with you i don't think i can be just friends with you
12.
SICKNESS 03:01
i hate being sick because the drugs i take aren't quick enough to knock me out and save me from all of the stupid games i play with you no i don't wanna just be sick i want it semi-serious i'm happiest with an iv drip and a pain pill script it's sick how much i love being sick and the joke is that i am immortal i will be feeling this way long after you have departed through your portal crippling remorse, though remember the time you left me a trail of breadcrumbs a scavenger hunt to your suicide note i was so honored to be the one that you chose i know we both drank up the excitement until we froze and you were the one who taught me to keep my hospital bracelet on all week so that no one ever looks at me without knowing that i'm the biggest star it's sick how much i love being sick
13.
ooh she looks really really good walking down the hall books to her chest i just sold her adderall probably aced her chem test 'cos she can do it all she can do it with her eyes closed and she's wearing cute clothes but you'd never know 'cos it's covered by her boyfriend's coat i'm laughing to myself i'm a little bit annoyed but i guess it sorta helps i got plenty to be happy about but i'm still jealous and stuff she wears the letterman jacket that her boyfriend gave her but it's way too big i think she looks fucking stupid she's got a heart of gold so i don't wanna be mean but i wish i could tell her to her face your boyfriend lets me wear his letterman jacket yeah the one on your back after i suck his dick i mean, it's just facts then we hang out in his bedroom and we play video games and then before you come over we'll probably do it again it looks so good on me i'm such a sexy boy i try to take a selfie he says don't you dare it looks so good on me you'd never even know i didn't make the team but damn i'm such a pro she gets him on holidays and every other weekend but it's fine with me 'cos after all, he told me don't catch feelings and don't get the wrong idea so who am i to disobey god forbid, i wouldn't want him feeling like this shit was gay but his letterman jacket it makes me feel like a pornstar i can't help but look away to catch myself in the mirror and he puts on his jockstrap i take it off with my teeth so who the fuck is she walking around wearing that motherfucking letterman jacket 'cos after school in his backseat he'll be licking his own cum off of my teeth then we hang out in his bedroom and we play video games and then before you come over we'll probably do it again wearing his letterman jacket as if i wasn't a faggot he's got his dick in a boy but the testosterone is flowing so i'm down to keep blowing 'cos that's what friends do give me a hug goodbye and i'll see you at school it looks so good on him how'd i get so lucky i'll take it home with me to smell him while i sleep he says i suck his dick the best yeah thanks i try don't be embarrassed junior varsity's still nice he says i suck his dick the best he says i suck his dick the best he says i suck his dick the best he says i suck his dick the best he says i suck his dick the best i don't do homework i don't rest i don't study for any tests i've found my calling, i'm all set i think i could do this for life just keep fucking him on the side he texts me "let's go for a ride" and i'm so happy i could die
14.
HIS 03:56
please don't make me say what this is just get back in your bed and i'll get back in his you already know it's fucking obvious why we only ever fuck at 3am on the weekends i'm not saying it isn't electric when we kiss i'm just saying i hope you weren't thinking about kids go run and catch your feelings so we can get back to sleeping i'll tuck you into bed and get back into his i tell myself that i don't need it but i just cannot say no all of my demons feed on semen and i just want them to leave me alone a different flavor is my savior tasting his with my mouth closed no explanations no excuses no heart no brain no self-control please don't make me say what this is just get back in your bed and i'll get back in his you already know it's fucking obvious why we only ever fuck at 3am on the weekends i'm not saying it isn't electric when we kiss i'm just saying i hope you weren't thinking about kids go run and catch your feelings so we can get back to sleeping i'll tuck you into bed and get back into his i see the scratches on my face that's one thing i cannot erase kiss him as soon as he's awake before he has a chance to shave he'll never know it wasn't his stubble leaving marks around my lips as i bite mine try not to trip over my words i'm over this tell me, really, how do you still adore me tell me you aren't that fucking blind try not to think about you lovingly saying i'm yours while i'm somewhere getting mine please don't make me say what this is just get back in your bed and i'll get back in his you already know it's fucking obvious why we only ever fuck at 3am on the weekends i'm not saying it isn't electric when we kiss i'm just saying i hope you weren't thinking about kids go run and catch your feelings so we can get back to sleeping i'll tuck you into bed and get back into his please don't make me say what this is 'cos we both know that you are his please don't make me say what this is 'cos we both know that i am his

about

but it's really for YOU.
you know who you are.

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released May 17, 2019

this album was produced by
Spatial Manufacture Ltd.
soundcloud.com/spatial-manufacture-ltd
spatialmanufactureltd.bandcamp.com
vk.com/spatialmanufactureltd

lyrics & vocals by JACK $WAGGOT

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$WAGGOT & KOKAYNA Apo, AP

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