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1. |
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thank god i'm a sociopath
'cos i just got raped and i'm not even mad
he made me call him dad
love the irony in that
my friend thinks i'm in shock
i can still feel his cock
handprints and the bite marks
thank god i'm a sociopath
thank god i'm a sociopath
there wasn't much aftermath
i still needed him to drive me back
so i acted real cazh
i showered as he watched me
he asked if there's anything i need
i smiled he called me baby
thank god i'm a sociopath
thank god i'm a sociopath
the 17th time i yelled stop
i realized he wasn't gonna stop
i figured i'd better give up
don't want to make him mad
while his dick's in my ass
and his hands are wrapped round my neck
thank god i'm a sociopath
thank god i'm a sociopath
i just looked at the wall
tried to exit myself
he wasn't going to after all
i could run to the mall
but how much would it be to uber home
let my wallet at least stay untouched
thank god i'm a sociopath
thank god i'm a sociopath
'cos i just got raped and i'm not even mad
but i can't tell anyone that
they'll question how i act
they'll be uncomfortable
they wouldn't appreciate my tone
to me it's all a big joke
thank god i'm a sociopath
thank god i'm a sociopath
imagine dealing with that
who's got time to be sad
who's got time to be mad
well certainly not i
i pushed back on his thighs
nothing under his eye
thank god i'm a sociopath
thank god i'm a sociopath
'cos i just got raped and i'm not even mad
i instantly bounce back
closed my eyes and it passed
my friend thinks i'm in shock
i can still feel his cock
i think about it when i jack off
thank god i'm a sociopath
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2. |
NO ONE LOVES ME
03:41
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no one loves me
no one loves me
no one loves me
no one loves me
sometimes i feel like i don't
belong here or anywhere
i don't want to
deep down i'm an
elitist pragmatic
defeatist i'm weakest
when i think i
have something worth
believing, no grieving
'cos i told you i do that shit
in advance, can't get fucked up
by some tears over some mans
call it romance
the closest thing that i've got
delusional confidancy
unrequited blowjobs that i clean up
like cinderellr
with no e before the r
pretend like that line just meant something
act like it's a carefully crafted metaphor
and i know deep inside
no one smart, no one nice
could ever, ever like
someone like me if they tried
got washed ashore this morning
my shield and sword haven't turnt up
at least one of us did and
they're around here somewhere i'm sure
so once i get myself equipped
i will resume this shit
got bombs and arrows but
i'd rather just get down to it
so if you're ready to set sail
and chart the course for wholly
uncharted waters where we can
drown ourselves in peace let's go
and suddenly everywhere i go
i can feel the credits start to roll
and i wonder, how was i supposed to know?
i've always doubted everything i think i know
you say that you love me
i know you don't love me
so why do you tell me
you love me? you don't love me
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3. |
TROPHIES
03:52
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my walls and shelves are all decorated
with shit that you bought me loving's overrated
for every time you got mad said you hate me
your words they stuck with me but i made sure you ate it
i secretly slander you you sing my praises
behind closed doors though i do such degrading
shit for you i get on the floor on all fours
be a whore 'cos it's worth giving you things that i do not own
things i do not own like virginity, dignity
self-esteem, integrity, in exchange for your STDs
presents like that make it easy for me to stay present
focused on revenge
promised myself i'd see this to its end
the ending i'll write all myself
as i milk you for every miniscule drop
of your minor hard earned wealth
i'll go hunting camoflaged
in just a collar and a smile
pick a spot and grit my teeth
and stake you out and wait awhile
i am patient i am stubborn
i would walk a thousand miles
just to get the perfect shot
of you with my new sniper rifle
hang your gifts all over my walls
like trophies i'll collect them all
hang your shit all over my walls
like trophies i'll collect them all
slaughter you mount you on my wall
amex garnish delectable
hang your shit all over my walls
like trophies i'll collect them all
i got you confused, mind over matter
i swallow and say "i love you, too"
i used to feel gross
but all this new shit's got me feeling the most
you think you've been grooming me daddy?
well guess what, i've got news for you
pulling my hair saying "make daddy cum" but
after i know that i get what i want
stick the knife balls deep in your bank account
turn the child locks on
daddy let's go to hell
can't quite afford pure sugar
splenda's still sweet as well
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4. |
FEEL WORSE
05:48
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you say you do it to feel better
but to me you feel worse
intentionally so unethical
you're just being a jerk
you thought you could outsmart the pain
so tell me, really, how's it working
out for you? still believe that you can
cut and paste hurt?
unloading negative emotions into people like
old TVs in the forest, lit cigarettes out windows
smashing glass bottles on the side of the road
so we lace up our boots when you're in one of your moods
when you go into this mode
you say you're venting your frustrations in a healthier way
as the reward center in your brain activates
like it associates the things you masturbate
to with an orgasm, unifying pleasure and hate
i think you're making excuses because you're terrified
you've reached your limit for how much you can internalize
but you've been swindled by the fickle fragile fleeting highs
of perpetrating the abuse that has defined your life
and everybody hears you screaming
fuck you
hit me
help me
kill me
love me
stop me
but
you say you do it to feel better
but to me you feel worse
and my opinion doesn't matter
but yeah, you sound worse
look at where you were a year or two ago
this is worse
you claim you've gotten so much better
but baby, you're getting worse
you certainly aren't new or improved
or in any way less of a fool or abuser
or safer to be around
or more amusing
you used to make it fun
you used to be so cool
you used to make it look sexy
now you're in my death pool
your behavior's erratic
and really you've become static
you haven't learned a thing
and you've lost all of your magic
and you don't do any drugs
but you sound just like an addict
making me nervous as you
proudly announce you feel fantastic
you act like you're self-aware and you claim to be in control
and maybe it was less of a lie the first time you told it
but the look in your eyes really hasn't sold it
like the way you snap on a dime without the strength to withhold it
you expect me to believe that you're really fucking screaming
about the pointless bullshit you're using to demonize me
the dark place you're in illuminated by gaslighting
i'm sympathetic but it's time to point those fingers inside
everybody wants to like you
and not fight you
over fake news
because we all know
that your issues
are not the issues
that you subscribe to, like
you say you do it to feel better
but to me you feel worse
and my opinion doesn't matter
but yeah, you sound worse
look at where you were a year or two ago
like this is worse
you claim you've gotten so much better
but baby, you're getting worse
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5. |
PLAYLiST
04:15
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your girl put me on her playlist
she listens to it every day it's her favorite
i guess that you were too basic
she only listens to fuckin amazing great shit
your girl put me on her playlist
she had enough of that lame shit you kept playing
she's telling everyone you're basic
while she listens to me on her favorite playlist
your girl put me on her playlist
i guess she's fucking with the gay shit i keep saying
i guess she's fucking with the fake lisp
she's not fucking with your basic ass rapists
she's not fucking with the fake shit
she gave her spotify a facelift
she took it to the gym it took her on a space trip
she took it in the car she almost caught a case quick
she took it to the party everyone got wasted
she took it into bed and loved how it tasted
she hit up all her friends like listen to my playlist
half of them were like damn i fucking hate this
but she knew it's 'cos they're all stupid and basic
the other half pretended not to see the message
and secretly it made her feel validated
losers don't get it it's cooler 'cos it's less famous
your girl put me on her playlist
she listens to it every day it's her favorite
i guess that you were too basic
she only listens to fuckin amazing great shit
your girl put me on her playlist
she had enough of that lame shit you kept playing
she's telling everyone you're basic
while she listens to me on her favorite playlist
your boyfriend put me on his new playlist
and suddenly it seems like you aren't getting as much play mitch
i guess he'd rather jack off in his basement
to the thought of me than acknowledge you any more than he has to
i guess my throat does what your hole couldn't dream of
i guess my lyrics do what your mouth can't compare to
i guess my pictures are better than your whispers
i guess my twitter is the kitty cat's whiskers
he knows all the words to my songs
and everything you do is wrong
he knows all the words to my songs
and he sings them all night long
he knows all the words to my songs
it's not my fault i got hella songs
he knows all the words to my songs
'n like... you don't even have songs
your boy put me on his playlist
he listens to it every day it's his favorite
i guess that you were too basic
he only listens to fuckin amazing great shit
your boy put me on his playlist
he had enough of that lame shit you kept playing
he's telling everyone you're basic
while he listens to me on his favorite playlist
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6. |
SWEET SADISTIC BOY
04:21
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tell me all about the men you fucked last week
tell me how you bottomed and called his ass daddy
tell me what a huge dick he had
tell me how it made you bleed my sweet baby
tell me how you're thinking about letting him take you out
how he just won't let up and now you're all stressed out
gotta make your mind up
which dick will you take?
you're saying it with a smile
and i just can't help but to smile
when i see you smile
but i think that you only smile
'cos you know that i am still in denial
you've got me by the balls
you know i'll always answer your calls
'cos you kiss me goodbye and watch me fall
head over heels back into line i crawl
break me like your favorite toy
my sweet sadistic boy
you'll never be my
never take away my pain, my joy
tell me all about the boy that you're texting
his ivy league school, his name, his lip piercing
tell me where you met him and tell me where you're taking him
tell me everything, it's so interesting
let me know when your uber gets there
i love it when you do, it really helps me think about you
while you're out i'll just sit here and visualize both your mouths
i'm sure the conversation is just riveting
you're saying it with a smile
and i just can't help but to smile
when i see you smile
but i think that you only smile
'cos you know that i am still in denial
you've got me by the balls
you know i'll always answer your calls
'cos you kiss me goodbye and watch me fall
head over heels back into line i crawl
break me like your favorite toy
my sweet sadistic boy
you'll never be my
never take away my pain, my joy
i know i said i understood it wasn't working
i know i said that we could still be friends
but i can't go from being a primary love interest
to being just another member of your audience
break me like your favorite toy
my sweet sadistic boy
you'll never be my
never take away my pain, my joy
baby please don't hate me but
i'm going far away
i can't go on this way
you'll never be my
never take away my pain, my joy
that's what i say i'm gonna say, always
but it never goes that way
i guess that you'll always,
always, always be my pain, my joy
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7. |
MAP
02:03
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you drew me a map
you drew it in crayon
so i wouldn't get lost
so i wouldn't get found
it included some of the important landmarks
others were inexplicably missing
some things were in the wrong place
but i didn't know the difference
your map didn't work
i don't know where i am
i've been lost for what feels like forever
i wish somebody would take my hand
bring me to the front of the store
have them call over the intercom
i just wanna go home
i just want my mom
you drew me a map
you drew it in crayon
so i wouldn't get lost
so i wouldn't get found
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8. |
DON'T MESSAGE ME
03:15
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it's always the ones that wanna be your friend the most
who got the least to say thirsty to toast
to you on any occasion on any given day
anything you say gospel they sing praise
and it's nice to hear for a little while
it's nice to be friends it's nice to see a smile
but deep down you feel the pangs of denial
the look in their eyes disguised something vile
if i wanted to hear my undigested opinions regurgitated
i could message my god damn self
if you thought i was desperate for someone to be interested
well fuck you i certainly don't need your help
reading off a script doesn't earn friendship
you're so obsequious it fucking makes me sick
gagging on my dick and pretty soon you'll be
singing all of these lyrics
if you're looking for energy
don't message me
if you're looking to get w me
don't message me
if you're looking for remedies this is not a fucking charity
if you're looking for anything
don't message me
you know i get the sense that you don't like me
and maybe i'm projecting because i'm mean
but every nice thing that you ever said
somehow just felt like a request
the compliments you paid were always things
i suspect that you wish someone would say
right back to you but i remained silent
cos i'm afraid of sounding fake
i think a little bit of shame goes a long way
why the long face? you've got nothing to say?
you think sucking my dick every day
meant i'd just lay down and let you rape me
well you're sadly mistaken you fucking parasite
your stupid sycophantic antics will never sit right
immitation is the most sincere form of fuckery
and you're terrible at everything, even dickriding
if you're looking for energy
don't message me
if you're looking to get w me
don't message me
if you're looking for remedies this is not a fucking charity
if you're looking for anything
don't message me
i think i must have a face tat that says
kill me and wear my skin
'cos half the time when someone wants to be friends
it feels like an undercover investigation
or some type of experiment
and i'm the specimen
you just want to be seen
by others the way you see me
you wanna know all my secrets
you just want all of my things
the things i worked so hard to achieve
you think that it should be easy
and i'm evil for not healing your self-esteem
if you're looking for energy
don't message me
if you're looking to get w me
don't message me
if you're looking for remedies this is not a fucking charity
if you're looking for anything
don't message me
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9. |
SEASONS
04:44
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overreacting over stupid shit
and you're awfully quick
to point out that i've been
doing it
a lot these days
and you say you're getting real real sick
of dealing with all of my bullshit
all i can do is apologize and
tell you that i'm really going through it
and i know that you love me
i'm not asking you to prove it
and i'm not making excuses
for the way that i've been treating you
i'm just upset and afraid
and trying my best not to lose it
but what can i say?
when the seasons change
i start feeling strange
but not quite derranged
you say i'm being insane
why do you exaggerate
when i'm the one in pain?
i just want you to stay
i know i'm pushing my luck
you know that you're my king
i'm sorry baby let's fuck
and just forget everything
you say you're really exhausted
and you just wanna sleep
i think i'm going to cry
'cos you don't wanna touch me
and pretty soon i've got the
both of us screaming
i bet now you really hate me
i don't blame you, it's amazing
how i spent my whole day
dreaming of being with you
and then the second i got it
i just lit the fuse
but what can i say?
when the seasons change
i start feeling strange
but not quite derranged
you say i'm being insane
why do you exaggerate
when i'm the one in pain?
i just want you to stay
at least until it rains
and i can rehydrate
and take back the reigns
and maybe hibernate
when the seasons change
you know i'm still the same
i just want you to stay
until i feel okay
i'm trying to the best of my abilities
not to subject you to my emotional lability
but the more i repress
the more i feel stress
the more i push you away
the harder this gets
but what can i say?
when the seasons change
i start feeling strange
but not quite derranged
you say i'm being insane
why do you exaggerate
when i'm the one in pain?
i just want you to stay
at least until it rains
and i can rehydrate
and take back the reigns
and maybe hibernate
when the seasons change
you know i'm still the same
i just want you to stay
until i feel okay
but what can i say
when your feelings change?
you don't feel the same
and i'm the one to blame
you say i pushed you away
and there's nothing i can say
and now you're on your way
and i am all that remains
when the seasons change
i'll still be the same
i'll always be this way
i'll never be okay
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10. |
BATHHOUSE
03:57
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look me in the eye
not safe to outside
he plays safe inside
he says it's suicide
asks me what i like
whatever you like
whatever he likes
whatever he likes
look me in the eye
if you wanna come
all the way inside
just the way we like
look me in the eye
that's how we decide
that's how i say i like
that's how i say you're mine
that's how we both find
itineraries tonight
we leave and reunite
without an alibi
without saying goodbye
without saying goodnight
you'll be back by my side
i'll be right back inside
tell me i'm the sexiest boy in the bathhouse
tell me all the secrets that can't leave my mouth
look me in the eye
kiss everything but my
kiss every single guy
kiss every married guy
kiss every married guy
that's like a special prize
'cos they don't always come again
so that's limited edition dick tonight
damn how fancy of you
splurged and got us a room
our audience is disappointed
not to see how this story concludes
it begins in me and ends in you
then the cycle starts anew
within minutes another boy
has had his chafing cock inside you too
tell me i'm the sexiest boy in the bathhouse
tell me all the secrets that can't leave my mouth
look me in the eye if you wanna get high
look me in the eye if you wanna ride
daddy warned me not to fall in love here
i think he's falling in love here
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11. |
SUPER SILVER HAZE
03:40
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i'm not a saint
i am marijuana
i voted no
i'm tijuana
i will abstain
from propagondor
that's no mistake
that's what i wanna
take what i make
then sprinkle on a
fresh coat of paint
kid pix and paint shop
pro methylate
pro euthanasia
this magistrate
hasta luego
this is a pro
he's gotta know some
thing everything
loves something else but
not like itself
that's suicidal
nobody else
nobody helps you
eviscerate
bury the body
this is a weight
lifted up way too
high demonstrate
how lunatics
operate they behave
just like us
when enslaved
medicate
commiserate
relocate echolocate
elocution is a trait
demonstrate
it when you
perform pain
then you gain
more currency
for blame
and for shame
power lies here
in this way
in this way
you've got the tools for
fame
wondering
why youre the one that remains
in my brain
i thought i burnt you away
super silver haze super silver haze
you could get it sixtythousand different ways
i could hit it every sungle fuckin day
super silver haze super silver haze
this was a way
just one more means of escape
penetrate
deep into mount moon caves
excavate
dome yielding helical face
get it great
youve spun a special pain
affection ate
in all your special ways
irrelevant
yet always in my veins
intoxicate
me with the musk of 9th grade
permeate
take roots deep in my brain
levitate
us both up into space
i remain
here after times we play
special place
outside the human race
remain before my gaze
sweet embrace
longed for so many days
far away
cant say i miss this place
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12. |
PHOTOBOOTH
01:50
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a strip of pictures from a photobooth
this was real and it's my only proof
i stare until i can't recognize you
i really wish that i did not want to
you never knew our conversations continued
long after you hung up in my bedroom
i'd fall halfway asleep and then before noon
i'd have had a whole experience with you
i tell myself i'm in control of my mood
i tell myself one day i'll be rid of you
but i won't get rid of my pictures of you
cos this was real and it's my only proof
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13. |
COSMONAUT
04:32
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i don't see you around much these days
guess you can't stay very long in one place
government's calling to take you away
as you're burning through provenances burning through fates
watching you burn yourself up and away
to the ugliest reaches of simulated outer space
and your face is fading faster but this isn't a race
at this rate i'll be the very last thing you take
cosmonaut
showing me all the cosmos, huh?
you've got all of the answers, huh?
so i'll let you take care of me, yeah?
you say you wanna marry me, huh?
you know how to turn the gravity off
'till i don't know how i'm gonna carry on
sleeping alone
hush hush
when you shush me i turn bright
a plush brush with a lush
fist or tongue fight
crush crush
fake lust at a stop light
hush hush
you need a light for your crack pipe?
obsessively counting the miserable days
the number it's been since i last saw your face
whether or not it all even remains
all i want is to hold you and say it's okay
but you are immersed in an impossible place
i can observe, i could never relate
but i wait for your calls from a place with no walls
i was delusional to think our house of cards wouldn't fall
you are my cosmonaut
now i second-guess all my own thoughts
secrets of the cosmos abound
they don't interest me at all
you could start the apocalypse now
and let all hellfire rain down
and as our bodies hit the ground
you would stand tall
wow
you blast off i come down
you got loud
i got quiet and i frown
wonder how
you're in hell but you penetrate the
clouds
soon i'll be above
my feet still on the ground
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14. |
BOYFRIEND
03:47
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you were my boyfriend but we never knew
we even did all the things boyfriends do
even though we didn't know quite how to
i wonder if you ever realized it, too
every day playdates with my favorite guy
feelings i had no way to identify
you take your shirt off when we go outside
and that makes me happy but i dunno why
any reason to brush against you
it's like there's dopamine in my dunkaroos
hide and seek me out in the closet
shh, come here, just sit and be quiet
you were my boyfriend but we never knew
we even did all the things boyfriends do
even though we didn't know quite how to
i wonder if you ever realized it too
boys have crushes on girls but i can't relate
i dunno why, guess i must just be late
maybe it happens after you turn eight
but what if it doesn't? 'cos i really hate
how i feel when people ask me about girls
who do i like and isn't she pretty
i feel sick as i shrug my shoulders
and please stop buying me these toy soldiers
you were my boyfriend but we never knew
we even did all the things boyfriends do
even though we didn't know quite how to
i wonder if you ever realized it too
all i know is i feel something
burning inside me when i see the boy next door
i light up when he invites me over
and then in his bedroom he pulls me close and-
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15. |
BABY TEETH
03:48
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baby it's empty in here
don't you know anybody could find you in here?
you know, maybe
maybe that's the reason i came
wanted to be discovered
by you all over again
throw my ball over the fence
the doors will be closing soon
they're gonna lock it up
and suddenly, suddenly you
you won't be able to breathe or to scream or to cry
your brain will tell you that it's always worth a try
but you'll know better
so tell me, why do you lie?
are you embarrassed?
are you ashamed to admit that you like
that you like such a funny flavor
you savor this candy as your tongue bleeds
you get down on your hands and your knees
to pick up all your baby teeth
put them in your pocket
and next time spit them out
into an old pair of socks
and tie them up in a knot
keep them somewhere safe
somewhere tucked away
keep them somewhere safe
somewhere tucked away
plant them under your pillow
and watch the garden grow
faster than you know
little white memories
beget greener grass and greener pastures
the other side of the gate
seems to grow faster
so look at me here i am
my gums are bleeding and my t-shirt is fucking soaked
i got a visit from the tooth fairy the first time
and it left such a great impression on me
i just couldn't stop myself from tying
a string around everything
that was remaining in my mouth
and then yanking it out
so won't you come back to my
house when the lights are all out
to where i sleep and please accept my offering
lift up my head and leave me
dollars underneath
lift up my head and leave me
dollars underneath
and pretty soon i'll have a grown-up set of teeth
for sinking deeper into meat and listerine
a grown-up set of
pretty soon i'll have
a grown-up set of teeth
and those will be mine to keep
you won't come collect those from me
you won't come around collecting those from me
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my baby / former self
by Archi Banal
Alessandra Banal (of Blush Juliet), under her solo alias, makes introspective electro-pop able to transform melancholy into dancefloor fuel.
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Formerly known as Kitty Pryde, the onetime rapper returns with a record of delightful, skittering pop music.
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Chrissy & Hawley [DINER 006]
by Chrissy & Hawley
Thumping, grooving, Moroder-like dance music available in a host of formats, including 2xLP and hot-pink cassette.
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![Anthony [Krantu] thumbnail](https://f4.bcbits.com/img/0029557102_42.jpg)
